I'M FINE: THE EASIST LIE, by Lesley Cobbs

We see the statistics; this sex has more suicides; this gender attempts more.

They tell us that 80% of people who take their own life suffer from depression, 80% of the time depression is treatable.

Cold, anonymous statistics and percentages culminating in the simple fact that suicide is on the rise.

These impersonal statistics were and are collected from very real people we know and love. People we have laughed and cried with. People we have lost because we were unable to talk about it.

It makes no difference if you are a brother, sister, next-door neighbor, best friend, favorite grandparent, or even a child; there is no immunity from suicide or from the devastating effects of being left behind.

The impersonal statistics tell us quite clearly that 80 out of every 100 people who took their own life could have been saved had they had the right help at the right time.

You know who knows its ok to talk about counseling, psychiatry, depression or mental health in general?

Me either.

You know who can’t talk about it?

Just about everyone!

Because of us. Because of we who stay quiet.

Due to stigma. Shame, lack of education, fear, lack of self-worth, need – a multitude of reasons some more reasonable than others but all equally valid.

It’s all of us.

We who say, “I’m fine.” when feeling overwhelmed by pain or empty inside.

It’s all of us.

We who say, “I’m fine.” When unable to do even the simplest of tasks such as washing dishes after a meal, or getting the dishes to the sink after the meal, or eating the meal, or cooking the meal, or buying the groceries for the meal, or earning money for the meal.

It’s all people, of every race, sex and gender, and every culture social and financial strata. It’s everyone!

So many scenarios end in “I’m fine. ” When clearly, we are anything but fine.

How can we talk about it, though?

Think about this for a second. How would your boss react if you said you lived with crippling depression?

How would your family respond if they visited your home, and you had been unable to clean six months?

How understanding would your employer be, if you said that you were not in yesterday because you had been awake for 3 nights, trying to stay alive?

How would your loved ones act if you said you wanted to, just not be here anymore?

More often than not, we are met with resistance, stigma and ill-informed opinion. Sometimes even hostility.

So, more often than not, we avoid the issue entirely by keeping our family, friends and loved ones at a distance, keeping quiet at work, until our condition gets so out of control that we eventually break down and become seriously ill.   Then some of us die.

It is time to change the narrative.

We have to start a tough conversation whenever possible, to educate and inform so that people can learn to understand and react positively without doing further harm.

Sitting at work all day with a back problem? Any responsible employer would provide a chair designed to reduce pain and offer support. It’s the right thing to do. Not just for the employee, the business benefits by getting the most and best out of their employee.  The employee then feels valued and appreciated and gives loyalty to the employer, win win.

The same should be happening with brain illness.

To give us a fighting chance of getting through a month, we have to be healthy. The more understanding and accommodating an employer or loved one is,  the less likelihood of us getting ill and the slower the process, giving us a fighting chance to stop a depression or episode in its tracks or enabling a quicker, easier recovery.

Employers and loved ones need to know how best to assist. They want us at our best. They want to help.

It is our duty to help them to help us.

Lesley (Counseling Advocate at Nuçi’s Space ) lives with depression, anxiety and PTSD from childhood trauma. She has lost a daughter, Corrina, to suicide. Every now and then she has something to crow about.